I have briefly come out of my surf hibernation to speak about a topic I have spoken about before, but have not spoken about recently because it felt like “why bother”.
The cult of the freebirth movement (notice I did not say: freebirth).
But today with my feet on the ground after a 2 hour surf session, I can plainly see that it’s time to speak again of one simple reason.
I like the truth. And I really dislike a lack of integrity.
For so long, as I mentioned it felt like “why bother? My truth isn’t everyone’s truth”. And while that is still true, the massive amount of babies that seem to be dying quite often in freebirths has me speaking out. Not because I think I can save them, or need to, but because maybe there is a woman out there that will question her own beliefs and do the “unthinkable”…whether that is seek medical care or make a different choice. AND…because I have paid my dues so to speak in the birth world, and I simply give no fucks.
Because while we all have our own truth, “the truth” about birth is this: birth is an act of nature. It is not perfect. It is not in our control. Sometimes things are beautiful and perfect (so often, actually) but there are times that it is not. Yes, not everyone survives birth. Sometimes medical care can be helpful, sometimes it isn’t, and often we can’t say how things would have turned out with different choices being made.
And yet that statement….”babies sometimes die”…has been used without discretion in the freebirth MOVEMENT to explain poor choices, fear, abuse and trauma. That is not good enough for me. Yes, babies die. People die. But when there is a lack of care or neglect or a choice that could be made, each mother has to wrestle with what her ultimate belief is. That mother that chose to not seek help has to navigate death and grief alone as well.
I think many women are lost and confused and traumatized and that is what I see. I see an organization (for so long I have called it the Freebullshit Society) preying on the fear and disembodiment and that is not right. This has little to do with actually having a freebirth, and everything to do with spreading the message that everything that happens in birth is a “variation of normal”, and that anyone intuitive can have a baby at home or attend a birth. This is just not true. (Although for the record, I believe one can be completely un-intuitive and have a baby at home. Just to stir the pot:)
Yes, women can choose what they want and every choice is valid. But we are currently living in a world where lies are being told, about so many things. Not just lies about birth, but who people are. What their experience is and what they are about. Take a look at social media birth accounts and tell me if you can actually discern what is what. Put your “first time mama” shoes on and see if you can see it all from that perspective. I am completely supportive of people that lie being put out of business. It’s abhorrent, and not the world I want for my daughters (and sons).
My desire that I want to embody myself is to tell the truth. Tell the truth at all costs. Tell the truth to yourself first. There’s too much out there that wants to tell us what to do, what to feel, how to act, what is best.
The first choice a mother has to make is what’s best, TRULY BEST, for her and her baby. Putting conditioning aside, putting aside the beautiful photos and stories of others that live on the internet. Putting aside “doing it wrong”, putting aside what your partner thinks, putting aside leaving the comfort of a group that pretends to know what’s best.
That is the hardest job we have to do here, as humans and women and mothers. We have to tell ourselves the truth first and then trust that we will find that which aligns.
In truth,
Maryn
Leave a Reply