My kids are still laughing. I always disliked poodles, but here I am with one. Willingly. Adoringly.
One thing about poodles is that they need hair care. I’ve got time, and my other dogs over the years absolutely have hated going somewhere to get groomed. So, I’ve been trying my hand at cutting, trimming and even shaving her beautiful chocolate brown coat to something manageable (it grows so fast plus add in salt water, and I’ve learned the grooming really is a must).
Using your hands for something new, I’ve learned, takes time. The first time I shaved her my kids were laughing (again) at her bald spots and uneven coat and weird cut. Gosh, it really was harder than I thought and all I could really focus on is that it would grow back.
But by about the third time in, I have started to get the hang of it. It’s more a feel, really. How hard to grip the tools and making sure I am breathing in a relaxed way since dogs can literally smell our adrenaline. So many little fine tuned things that came up that actually reminded me attending births, and how we also learn to use our hands.
Those first few times (or more) that I tried to get someone’s blood pressure as a student. Ugh, I was so nervous, talk about adrenaline. I remember getting it wrong because I couldn’t actually hear it:) turns out the ear pieces were in my ears wrong. I thought there was something really wrong with me until I figured that part out. And I am sure I was anything but relaxed.
Of course over the years, I have done a million billion blood pressures and the use of my hands has changed from those early days. I am very aware of my touch, and how firm or easy I am pressing. I am aware of the temperature of my hands and the temperature of this woman’s skin. I am feeling not just the technical skill but her energy overall. How is she breathing? What else do I notice?
There is so much to using our hands to care for women. I love it; and I have loved the journey because it’s been fulfilling. And of course we all know, it’s not just a blood pressure reading. Sometimes we have to put our hands in sacred places and help a baby out. Or a placenta. What is our energy then? What is our breathing like? What are we bringing to the table of touch that is pleasant or just makes it ok? Whatever we touch is left with our essence.
I believe most of us need to be trained in touch, in whatever way. Maybe it’s massaging your kids at home, or maybe it’s grooming a dog. How we use our hands is attached to what is in our hearts.
I know many women can agree from the opposite end; so many of us have experienced touch at the hands of someone who is not aware, or compassionate or capable or present. While there are many variations on that (traumatic) theme, we know that doctors (most of them) aren’t trained in the ways midwives are. This awareness of our touch, the power of the energy of our hands, can be everything.
I think of some different scenarios over the years where I was really asked by the circumstances of the situation to be an expert at touch. I bet most midwives have; whether that is teasing out membranes from a woman’s body or giving her a loving but confident hug during birth that says “you are doing this”…..this is what we are made to do.
Our hands are sacred tools.
Truth be told, I am missing some of this. Maybe not the more emergent ways of using my hands, but the ways that felt even more natural and good and right in relationship with the women I served. I’m sure one day these hands will make it back to the birth room, so for now I’ll have to express my talents using them on the poodle.
And I’m willing to imagine that the future is an entirely new reality of how we support women in birth and how we use our skills; our hands being only one of those. I’m imagining this new earth to be supportive of the way we connect and communicate with the women we serve on all levels. Without words, telepathically and emotionally in synch.
Thanks for coming with on this journey of words; and if you missed it, my email last week speaks to this new once-a-week scheduleand my “departure” from the rat race of an online business, and all the tired structure and medias that no longer seem valuable to me.:)
Oxoxo
Maryn
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